I’m married, I’m female and I’m in my 30s. Why does that mean it’s ok for everyone to ask me when I’m going to have a baby?
I have a good job, my husband has a young, growing company and we are lucky to have enough disposable income to be able to travel the world and try new experiences. However, against popular belief, I actually see this as a reason not to start a family right now - we are having the time of our lives and there’s so many things we still want to do which a baby wouldn’t fit into.
Call it selfish, call it naïve, call it what you want but I don’t believe in being pushed to making a life-changing decision just because it’s the ‘traditional time to’.
Yes, I see babies and coo and yes I see babies and want to grab them off their parents and smell their heads and play with their toes but I’ve also seen kittens and done the same but I know full well I have no interest in getting a kitten, I can’t stand that they grow into cats.
Why do people think it’s ok to ask people such a personal question? I have many close friends that made this life-changing decision years ago and are still not able to have a baby, they desperately want a baby and can’t at the moment. I’ve seen it when someone asks this casual question and I’ve seen the hurt it can cause when they just want to shout back WE’RE TRYING. The mourning of miscarriages and frustration and anger at endless tests, why would you in your right mind want to poke someone who is likely to be particularly emotionally sensitive and absolutely make it worse? Asking any female about their future baby plans will NEVER EVER be an enjoyable question for the recipient.
Family members are the worst, mothers in law, Aunties and any female member of the family with a small person makes it their mission, when you’ve hit 27 to ensure you are regularly informed they are waiting for you to have a baby. Apparently they start to plan holidays, film viewing, purchase decisions based on when you MIGHT have a baby.
Caitlin Moran puts it brilliantly in her book How to be a Woman, ‘Feminisim needs ZERO TOLERANCE against baby angst. In the 21st Century, it can’t be about who we might make, and what they might do, any more. It has to be about who we are, and what we’re going to do.’
I agree with Caitlin Moran, the suspicious part of me senses there’s an element of people trying to suss out the next few years of your life, is this person a threat to my job, my way of living, am I going to lose my drinking buddy etc.
So everyone, listen up.
Yes, I like the idea of having a family, and yes, I’m in a stable relationship and yes I know my time is ticking BUT if we do it, it will be in our own time, so back off and I will let you know when we have made the life changing decision and are lucky enough to have a baby on the way.
Here are my top 5 responses to people asking you when you’re having kids, there are no need for these to be true, but wouldn't it be fun to leave them speechless for a second....?!
Well we’re planning on giving it a go this afternoon, and tonight and tomorrow morning
What position would you recommend?
Ah, is this where the ultimate do you spit or swallow question comes in?
Didn't you know? We have twins, they're really low maintenance, we just keep them in the downstairs cupboard, they're at home now if you want to go and see them?
Your kids inspired me not to bother
Let me know any others you have!