Earlier today I found myself stalking myself on Facebook. Looking through all of my posts of the last year, all the photos and doing a bit of reminiscing. So many exciting things, so many memorable moments and I realised that I never do that, I never just take stock of life, of what I've done. I'm too busy moving onto the next thing, planning the next weekend away.
When I'm 'not doing anything', I get FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. Tonight I'm supposed to be with a group of friends in the UK but instead I am stuck in Dubai for work. I know they are going to be having a great time and I know that I would be having a great time if I was there too. Yes, I will hear about stories and jokes that I wasn't part of but I know it's not going to actually impact my life, I would just rather be there than here.
But what I'm thinking is that I am going to let it impact my life.
I have had a day on my own, which I hadn't planned, I didn't know it was going to happen, after a few hours of work in the morning, my day was my own. After the aforementioned stalking of myself, I planned to go to the beach, I was there for less than an hour before I had to find wifi as the Hubby was trying to skype. I planned to visit something called the Miracle Garden, a ridiculously over the top example of a garden in the desert of Dubai, however I turned up and was told that it wasn't open so I ended up in a butterfly sanctuary - not quite the setting I had in mind for reading my magazine. I took a trip to the supermarket and then ran out of ideas. For those of you who are a regular reader of this blog, you will know that I'm not very good at spontaneity, today was no different. Although I do enjoy the irony that my day job is planning events for other people!
I've never been very good at being on my own, and when you're in a relationship you never really need to be. One of my favourite things is being at home with the boy; cooking, cozying up on the sofa, listening to music, dreaming about what our house will look like when we stop going on holiday and actually put our money towards that! But really it's just a good excuse, there's no reason why I shouldn't still spend time on my own, or want to spend time on my own. I think I just get lost, I don't know what to do with myself.
When the Hubby is stressed and tells me has had a rubbish day, I always ask him to tell me one good thing that happened that day. But I never do this myself. I never actually think. Normally I only ever look back when I'm sad which now I think about it, just seems like madness. The problem is, I think real reflection can only happen when I'm on my own, otherwise I get too easily distracted.
As we all know I have to have a project, or ideally at least 5 projects running simultaneously; It's pledge time.
I promise to to spend one night a month on my own, to slow myself down and most importantly, actually giving myself time to think.
So sorry guys, every month, you're going to get a round up of my life on this blog, a kind of diary if you will. A chance for me to look back regularly and appreciate the good things that have been going on in this busy thing I call life.
I no longer have FOMO tonight, in fact, I'm pretty pleased I'm not dressed up as a pumpkin drinking suspicious looking punch. (who am I kidding, course I'd rather be there!). But the point is that I have an alternative plan, I'm going to learn how to enjoy my own company.